My mind and heart have been running on complete different speeds lately. They can’t seem to agree on anything. My mind always has ideas that my heart doesn’t seem ready for and my heart always feels emotions that my mind isn’t ready to think about. Frustrating, Right? Maybe that made zero sense to you and if thats you then hold on, I’ll explain.

” You can start to diet strictly again. You are at a better place. You don’t need that extra bite. Only eat half of that. Skipping one meal won’t make you sick again. If you don’t start working out 5 times a week then you won’t be skinny or happy. You need to lose just 15 pounds.” This is the pace that my mind has been on lately. Its not necessarily “tearing me down” but its also not building me up. I recognize that this is just the enemy trying to get me to gain control of my weight again so I’ll see results and become obsessed with weight loss. My hearts pace is different though.

My heart is learning to be content, which is like a miracle because I’m the best at being discontent. Did I just say that out loud? Okay but seriously, Its the strangest feeling. Usually, my mind is running on its own pace and my heart just runs along side with it. So for example, If I’m having thoughts that are hard on me and are negative then usually my heart feels sad, lonely, and vulnerable. Usually when my mind is at this pace then I’m usually eating really healthy and clean. Not totally skipping meals but usually I’ll restrict myself more and I’ll try and justify this by saying “Im just trying to maintain my weight” which usually means that I’m trying to secretly lose weight and truthfully, this happens a lot. But get this, this isn’t happening like that. My mind is at this pace but I’m eating like CRAZY. Like the risk of getting diabetes kind of eating. Okay thats a bit dramatic but seriously, its a careless eating. Which anyone in recovery knows that this is place that we want but also scares us because of the after eating thoughts of regret. Trust me, those thoughts are there and truthfully they are there after every meal but guess what? YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY THOSE CALORIES YOU JUST ATE!!! Its becoming easier to fight off.

This is what makes this situation strange, because I’m finally at this place where my mind is constantly wanting to count calories, skip out on meals, and be skinny; But my heart is saying, No. My heart feels happy. My heart is having to remind me of my worth and beauty.  

1 Peter 3:3-4, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment…rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight”

It hit me just like that. Reading that verse, God introduced me to my new journey in recovery or should I say my new journey for the rest of my life. & That is redefining Beautiful. I want to change my old way of thinking about what beauty is to the way God defined beauty in the first place. Our world destroyed the minds of this generation to beliving that beauty is defined by our appearance. The enemy has worked his way into this world by making us believe the lies of this world and Its our job as Christians to help redefine beautiful for the generation to come.

God looks at the hearts. Beauty is defined by our spirit, our soul, the real authentic version who we are.

This doesn’t just have to be a journey for girls who are in recovery for eating disorders. This needs to be a journey for YOU. For all of us.

We were created by God who defined beautiful before anyone had the chance to and theres beauty in that alone. So, lets start there.