“If you want a drastic change than it calls for drastic measures, something you may have to sacrifice for”
Those were the words that directed my path to surrender and go to treatment for my eating disorder. The easiest but hardest decision I ever made. It was easy because of how much I knew I needed healing but hard because of everything I was sacrificing. Leaving my friends, family, students, and job for 2 months. Missing all the church camps that I love. Putting my life on pause to hope this would actually work.
On the morning of April 23rd, I called the meadows ranch in Arizona to see if they had any beds open. I soon found out that they wouldn’t have a bed open until May 13th but I knew that wouldn’t be possible because I wanted to finish my classes and they didn’t end till May 18th. Jackie was the lady who did all my intake and she had no idea when there would be another bed. I was once again feeling hopeless and feeling defeated. I began to call more and more places, in hopes of finding just one bed that would be open. 30 minutes later Jackie from the meadows called me back. “Rylee, I have big news for you. We just got a bed open for May 19th and you have been approved.” Remember just earlier I said that I needed something after May 18th and just like God always does, He reminded me the power of who He is. He reminded me that He will make a way even when all odds look against it.
After 6 years of battling this ugly disorder, for the first time, I felt a glimmer of hope. In that moment I felt God tell me, “Rylee, revival is on its way.” This was His promise to me that I held on to, every day.
For 6 years I struggled with restricting, binging & purging, and laxative abuse day in and day out. I wanted so desperately to be in recovery and for the best of my acknowledge, I thought I was. I was the furthest from recovery. I was at a point of my life where I wished it all would go away and not only wishing the eating disorder would go away but that my life would just end.
On my 19th, I checked myself into an eating disorder treatment center where my life would never be the same again. I had no idea what I was getting myself into but knew I needed healing.
& healing is exactly what I got. Every day. I’m still in the midst of healing every moment.
God’s grace is enough for you. This mountain that looks impossible to climb or get around is exactly what God is going to use to leverage your purpose for His glory! Hold on tight because yes, this ride and journey is scary but the benefits of it all is what’s worth it.